sarabraj.com: Local legend of the Camino

The Way gave me different opportunities to grow as a human being and as a spirit . One such opportunity was definitely the »Midnight walk«, it was therapy to overcome my subconscious fears.

It all started in the middle of the night when I simply couldn't sleep. All my »comrads« were begining to roll in their beds so I assumed that it was nearly time to slowly start to get up. At first I sat in my bed in a lotus flower position and tried to meditate. My inner voice started to whisper that it was time to get out and start walking. I opened my eyes and for a second wondered what time it was. I had no way to know as I had made a decision to walk the Camino without any time limit.

Being completely awake I decided to keep on going, grabbed my staff and tiptoed out of the room. Outside I met one USA teenager who was just coming back from a party or something, he was pretty drunk and looking at me like Im mad.« Hey baby it is two o clock in the morning. Where are you going?« It was amusing he called me baby, I mean im like 40 and he was 18, I thought he must be really drunk so I thought no way is it so early. I believed he had no sense of time and left the building. Then I met the owner of the hostel coming back home and some more people in the streets that comforted me that it is for sure 05.00.

At that time I had no clue the rhythms of Spanish and was so naively beliving that they had the same life style as other european countries. NO WAY.« Where are you going pilgrim? Do you need a place to stay?« she asked me. I answered that I was just leaving and that I was on the way to Paplona:« Now? Are you loca? Seriously? There are woods in between!« I thanked her for the concern and left. Then I understood that the time must be really much earlier but decided to follow my spirit task.

The head lamp I used was giving me just enough light to see my steps and the temperatures were so much nicer that the warm day walking. I was deeply comforted by these feelings and enjoyed the start of my days walk.

Then the scenario dramatically changed as I start walking next to a big factory that was working the night shift. I have to say it looked so spooky, the whole image of the clear sky and stars juxtiposed around this enormous factry complex with fire coming out of the pipes. I had chills from the view. I stoped for 10 minutes and just observe the absurdity of what I was seeing. I felt pity for the workers who had to be there on such a beautiful night, away from their families. I wished I could change that somehow. The brural extortion away from home, from family. Making us robots trapped into the slavery of capitalism. When the time is there, when you have to leave family you start realizing how without real sense this kind of automatic life. That is one of the strongest lessons the death of my family members brought to me. To appreciate life. To live it, not just survive it. To be alive and not asleep. In that moment, there under clear sky, thinking of the working Spanish fathers I made a promise in my heart to do all it takes to contribute to the change. To spread the words of love, life and spiritual freedom. To devote myself fully to the power of awakening.

After this strong reflection, I grabbed my backpack and hit the road. The first part was not unsettling, the woods were serene and I was very happy indeed. The silence road made me float inside in the most spiritual places of my soul and I enjoyed surrending my body fully to the moment of grace. It managed to give me, once again, the feeling of deep peace and quite. All the noise and daily vibration vanished and I felt safe.

Then I stopped in a small village on the way , with maybe four houses . The first fear came up.« What if some man sees me here in the middle of the night walking in the woods and harms me? I needed to keep low profile and put my cap on so they cannot see Im a woman«. I was amazed when this thought came in my mind. I observed and realized the need to acknowledge I had this fear and get rid of it. I put it into the light and breathed it true. While I was meditating on my thoughts I stopped in the middle of the village and sat down in what could be called the village center. And then I started hearing on my back a million footsteps. Small, tiny, mini ones. Next I heard some creepy sounds like some creatures from space came to say hi to me. At that point my hair looked little like Billy Idol in the middle of the woods and I couldn't grasp what the f… was going on. Then I saw them. The monsters of the night and me, eye to eye. A group of 8 possesed cats! Were they trying to kill me? No, but I have to say they did scared the s… out of me. So I moved carefully out of their vision, hoping that they did not have some weird Spanish ninja powers. I know, I know, it wasn't that courageous of me to run from lovely cats but Im telling you they were pretty bizzar.

Feeling confused I ran into the woods wondering what might be the message from this experience. I couldn't come up with a better explanation than »It is time to stop being such a pussy Tjaši«. Of course I start laughing for a second but stopped seeing that the wood was getting thicker and darker and the road smaller and smaller. My inner voice said to me: » It is time to concentrate now Tjaši. No looking around , fully focus on every step you make«. I thought , who wants to look around anyway, I mean are you kidding me?! Have you ever observed nature in the night ouside of the fear prospective? Well let me tell you it can get pretty pictureque and alive. Of course when you let go and trust it's pretty magical and beautiful. But this time that was definitely not my mindset.

Suddenly, I heard some voice on my right and made the mistake of looking in that direction. Of course I wanted to have control over the situation by using my eyes instead of my intuition. Mistake. BIG one. The reflection of my light in the eyes of THE creature observing the crazy pelegrina was enough to take away my concentration and I got little scared. Well a lot, I admit.

At that moment the inner voice ordered me to stay focused on every step. Before i managed to get the message I was with my face down on the ground. UGH. What just happened? I got entangled in my shoelaces and fell straight on my face. I was trying to stop the falling with my left hand but the power of gravity and my heavy backpack were just to much. I was litelarlly crushed under it. Jesus. Such a pain.

I played professional volleyball so I know how to fall and even how to prevent it from hurting but this free fall on my chin was intense. » No time to panic Tjaši. I know you are bleeding but keep on going. Take that stone from the water in front of you and keep on going«. I did and pulled myself together. I pictured my aura getting completely to myself and felt very centered. In the mean time, the river on my right started to become bigger and louder which I believe was the hardest challenge of the whole night walk. The sound took away all of my focus and the shock I had from falling made me loose full control. But I knew I simply could not loose it out there. Not with the blood all over my face and arms, nobody knowing where I was and I presume even no gsm signal? I couldn't feel my left arm so I decided to continue till the next village then stop there to wait for the sun to come up. I came to one tiny place with three houses and stopped in a garden of one house. I positioned myself in my meditation pose and released all that had to come out. I cried and cried and I cannot possibly imagine what the inhabitants of the house thought.

The sun rise was one of the most beautiful ones I had experiances and i realized the desire I have to keep on living my life presently despite the pain I was carring in my heart. My spirit spoke to me:« Did you recognize the importance of being fully present on your way? And the importance of focus? Not to spread your essence all over but to keep it compact? Did you realize the importance of being in the moment because looking into the uncertain future can be unecessarily scary? Did you observe your mind when that lovely bambi came to visit you? (those shining eyes were from a bambi?...seriously?) Did you see how quickly your mind reacts and gives you an irrational explanation? Did you see the difference between the reactive mind and the receptive spirit? And do you feel the power of being present when the river, as a symbol of your subconsious, was envoking in you all that discomfort and fear? How does it make you feel having the blessing of being present in your subconscious river of feelings and thoughts?«

It made me feel stronger, more fluent and brave. It gave a feeling of facing some parts that in daily life I would never gave time and consciousness to. It reinforced the faith in my spirit and inner power beyond the limited mind that always overreacts. And it made me believe, again and again, in the infitinite potential of the power called the human awareness. When I accepted the wisdom I put all this »drama« behind me. My face was better in two days and I could do push – ups in two day as well. I simply did not want to believe I was hurt. And my body listened.

And why local legend? Through the whole Camino I kept hearing the story of a crazy woman walking in the night who felt in the river and broke her face. And about some german pilgrims getting her out of there. Ah the mind set of a »drama queen«…actually can be really funny.

Love, Tjaši