“Down there we are all One”

It's been about three years since I first met her, embraced by the wonderful Croatian coast, for an interview that I conducted for a Slovenian weekly newspaper, the Nedeljski dnevnik, during which we ended up discussing the beautiful aspects of diving, what motivated her and the love she felt for everything she was engaged in. She was a living inspiration, whose insightful view of the world left a spark of a deep interest in the sub-aquatic world within me, a spark that nowadays overcomes so many of us seeking to discover the mysteries entailed by the soul. 

The Russian freediver Natalia Molchanova confided in me that it was never too late to dream, by not having fully committed to freediving until her 40s. “At the time, I began to wonder how to spend the time, all those hours that I had previously dedicated to all after-school activities my children used to partake in, in a fruitful and creative way. My children were grown up and, similarly to so many other mothers fully committed to their maternal role, I began to wonder in which direction I should go and how to inspire sufficient positive changes in my life to not become uncomfortable with the fact that my primary role as a mother was slowly transforming. It is then that I decided to start engaging in the sub-aquatic world that I had already been fascinated with before.” This constitutes the beginning of the story of the multiple world champion and world record holder, whose every breath ended up communicating hope, breaking down the age-old belief that it was ever too late for anything in life.

Natalia, whom I had first met during a course for freediving beginners, organised by Mojca Studen and Marko Šifrar from the Slovenian Velosimed Centre in Croatia on an annual basis, summed up her discoveries as follows: “Recreational diving provides you with plenty of opportunities to shift your focus from senseless excitement on the surface to an active absorption of the calmness of the water. Slow swimming harmonises the relationship between an extremely animated spirit and a usually inactive body, thus producing a feeling of joy in your muscles.”

Natalia, however, saw freediving as far more than merely competitions – freediving was her life that she poured into mindful poetry and films, which received top awards at international film festivals. The inspiring Russian, who reached incredible depths at various competitions, told me during our first meeting that “in the Black Sea, I was initially afraid of the depth and felt deeply uncomfortable when reaching 25 metres below the surface, as I found the darkness daunting. But the experience in the Red Sea was completely different.” But what exactly did she experience down there, what was it that so enticed her? “Down there, I cease to think. I only experience an exceptional openess of space and dimension of the spirit, combined with merging with all that exists into One. Down there, I experience a strong connection with the world as a whole, the vibration shifts. It is hard to find the right words to describe that reality, which differs so greatly from the one we know, but which is so utterly natural.”

Becoming familiar with the magnificent depths

With a seed of hope that it really was never too late to pursue your passion, I decided to also participate in a freediving course held this summer on the Croatian island Vis by the two freediving masters, Natalia and Alexey. As early as during my third dive, a long-forgotten memory of the wholeness that you can experience in contact with water was brought to the surface of my consciousness. Seeing that, according to Masaru Emoto, people are actually, to a greater extent, water than solid matter beings, merging with the uniqueness of your true nature, that takes place during freediving, actually means that you are re-claiming your primary nature. “In water, you become One therewith. This complete surrender evokes so much pleasure when you dive.” Words that I, as a yoga teacher, fully integrated into the experience of my first dives.  At the beginning, I would toss around like a tortoise or, better put, a cramped wet cat, but the following breaths and the calming zen energy of Natalia, Alexey and Mojca slowly started to dissolve the cramp into a gentle swaying in water. 

With time, I would return back from water increasingly calm, and, at the end, in a full state of wholeness and surrender. “Pleasure, fun and relaxation. This should be the primary motives behind freediving. To go beyond exertion, control and trying to prove yourself.” This is how I perceived Natalia's message, as I wanted to cross off my wish list not only a few metre deep dives, but, every single time, also the experience of Oneness that I had already experienced in various other forms prior and to go beyond the limited mind. 

When all course participants watched a magical film about the manta ray that Natalia once saved from a net and which clearly suggested the connectedness among all living beings, for which an unconditionally open soul is responsible, my face was filled with tears for the first time during that week. With those pure drops of joy that you experience whenever you touch something sacred and real.

Only one day before the dive in Ibiza that later proved fatal for Natalia, I talked to her for the very last time. Another course participant and I escorted her on the ferry to Split. On the way, she would, overwhelmed by passion that can only be exhibited by a fully loving heart, seek to explain new freediving scientific findings which fascinantingly demonstrated what the bodies of these one-of-a-kind athletes had already been achieving for years.  In a moment, we also touched upon how it is to leave for the unknown, something that comes with diving into the sea. I wondered if she had ever experienced all that in a transcendental way as well. “Only once in my lifetime, will I be taken by life to full and complete light. To that sacred state of blissful wholeness, as known by the Buddhists.” As soon as those words left her lips, her eyes lit up like two flashlights and my heart chakra trembled. It felt as if time had come to a standstill in that very moment. Our gazes merged into the Oneness that knows that freediving is one of the keys to those parts of sanctitude that open up even in the most peculiar of circumstances. “My dearest Natalia, I am sorry you need to go, because you have sparked my interest with this topic, which could be discussed endlessly. Ever since our very first conversation, I have been interested in those entities that you get to meet below the water in the transcendence of your consciousness.” Natalia threw me a mischevious glance and the two sparks in her eyes continued to shine. We then embraced each other with all the strength that we could muster, in the full presence of the moment, in the knowledge that we would meet again.

Dearest Natalia, I will caress you up there, in the rainbow, when it breaks in the waves of the sea, at the bottom of the sea, when I observe the living quality of quietude, in the reflection of the clouds, when I, fully committed, return back to the surface, and in the in-breath that will be following my retreat into the voice of my beating heart. I am deeply grateful to Life for having gifted me with such a remarkable teacher who awakened my love for water – which I also AM.

Your grateful course participant.

I would like to propose for us to gracefuly connect whenever you are in the memory of freedivers Natalia Molchanova and Cat Charnley in a dry apnea tomorrow, Tuesday the 18/08 at 21.00 CET 

"Unite in silence
 With blue tender flow.
 And come to knowledge
 Of your spirit law."

(Natalia Molchanova)

Special thanks to Alenka Artnik for this graceful photo and Dora Debeljak for the translation in English.

Interview with Sarabraj-Tjaši Artnik Knibbe

Original text to be found on: http://www.primorske.si/Plus/Sobota/Pogum,-da-sprejmes,-kar-ti-je-bilo-dano--Pogum,-da

The Courage to Accept What You Have Been Given. The Courage to Shine.

The story about Sarabraj- Tjaši Artnik Knibbe is a story about a woman from a loving, but  addiction-stricken family. She always felt like the one person that simply had to resolve other people's problems, until the pressure became too much and the bubble burst. She started to perceive the world differently, left her job and delved deep into herself. She decided to listen to her inner voice that took her on an 850-kilometre pilgrimage that would finally enable her to let go of the past.

Tjaši Artnik Knibbe was born in Ljubljana, but her family moved to Primorska (Slovene Littoral) soon after.  She spent the first years of her life with her brother and parents – her father originated from Goriška Brda and her mother from the Prlekija region – in Lucija but the family later on moved to Koper where her younger sister was born. She remembers her father Franc Artnik that she calls her very own personal guru in love and grace: “My father was a plumber. An immensely deep person, devoted to empathy, which is why people would always remember him. He had the ability to create a story from the tiniest detail that gave food for thought to the other person.”

The close-knit family was marked by addiction issues. Tjaši remembers: “My father suffered from alcohol abuse and my brother took drugs. Both were people with a strong personality that concealed a large amount of pain within. My father was a visionary that could see the future. He could see people and what destiny held for them. He was a sensuous, loving, present man who liked to walk in nature. He taught me to seek solutions within, not in other people, although he never failed to mention that people were not an end in themselves and that without love, life was not worth living. I never perceived his alcohol abuse as malevolent. It was clear to me that he was different and that he suffered immensely in the environment he lived in.”

Later on, he was successfully treated and he and Tjaši had more than one decade at their disposal to enjoy each other's company to the fullest. Her brother also managed to successfully overcome his drug addiction for a short while. He was the first person from Slovenia to have joined Don Pierino's group Meeting, initially in Italy and later on also in Thailand. Tjaši's parents were the first who opened up about the new drug addiction treatment method in the Slovenian media. But as soon as her brother returned to the local “toxic” environment, his addiction returned and he died. Then cancer befell her mother.

Inner awakening

In the meantime, Tjaši obtained her communication studies degree. She returned to Koper for and to volleyball for a while, regularly training and playing for the Koper Volleyball Club. Subsequently, she got a job in Ljubljana where she also moved permanently. She married Remco Knibbe from the Netherlands.

She was employed by the market communications department of the Dnevnik newspaper where she was also in charge of the business Gazelle Awards. She perceived her job as extremely stressful and responsible. She believes that “if your background is filled with addictions and emotional pain, you become used to playing the role of an adult person from an early age. And yet, having to continuously assume responsibility starts to wear you out when you reach adulthood. I took things too personally and pushed myself to hard. I often experienced burnout from sheer exhaustion but was saved after I was assigned a journalist position.”

Her mother's death four years completely changed the way she perceived the world. This is how she remembers those tough days: “When my mother left, a part of me left with her as well. I was present during her dying period to such an extent that it made me want to leave too. Before that, I wanted to attract her illness as I was always the one in the family that had to resolve the problems we came across. A tumour (luckily not cancirogen) indeed developed in my body and surgery was inevitable.”

When you happen to yourself

That is when she experienced a deep inner awakening. "It just all got too much after my mother died. The bubble burst. When it popped, I actually happened to myself. Surrendered to the energy to the fullest, yielding to the current of life. I experienced a powerful inner peace. I started to visit workshops and writing articles discussing spiritual topics in a professional capacity as well. I got to meet many spiritual teachers that still seemed too immersed into their mind, failing to exhibit authenticity."

Her father died in a completely different way than her mother before – it all happened rapidly. She reflects that “this was probably the only way for it to happen so that our strong bond could break.” She regarded her father's departure as a challenge to be fully present in the moment all the time and not to allow the pain to suffocate her. She decided to do everything in her power to deepen and expand her father's knowledge and all that they had created together, telling me: “Have the courage to receive what has been given. The courage to show your light, without façades, without retreating. This is what I've been doing during recent years. I did not move to the woods but my life left me with a deep spiritual experience in the same environment I had already lived before.”

She left her regular job, completely yielding to her new path. “My husband promised to provide for me so that I could spend a while completely surrendering to the unconditional current of life.” Our interviewee feels that “us women have a particularly expressed instinct that our home and family come first, which can prove limiting in such a case.”

She soon shifted from a spiritual seeker to a researcher. The well-known El Camino de Santiago or The Way of St. James constituted one of the challenges she wanted to conquer. Before that, she spent a few months meditating and delving deep into herself. “Presence, neutrality, empathy, and grace. Four key messages that have activated my life like the lives of many others so that we can create a new reality, together.”

Camino's first lesson

Tjaši discovered that the first lesson of Camino began as soon as she started packing her backpack. “I have opted for a small, 30-litre backpack, weighing my luggage and prudently placing it inside. I cannot help but laugh at the very thought of travelling around the world for a month and a half with so little luggage. Finally. One of the needs that emerged within me during all the changes I have experienced is also to lead a light life without any unnecessary clutter,” she writes in her blog.

The Way of St. James or El Camino de Santiago is the joint name for several pilgrimage routes that take you to St. Jacob's sanctuary in Compostela (Santiago means St. Jacob). Tjaši embarked on her journey in the village of Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Porte in France, entering Spain after the first mountain pass over the Pyrenees. She walked 850 kilometres by not completing her journey in Santiago where the majority of pilgrims come to a halt but she continued until she reached the Atlantic coast and the magical seaside town of Finisterra where she ritually burnt her clothes by the lighthouse, throwing all thoughts binding her to the past into the fire. She did not count the days she spent on the Camino, completely oblivious of the time that has passed, even missing her flight back home, but ultimately all is well that ends well. This is how she described her walk: “You walk when you feel it is the time to walk and you stop when your rhythm decides you should stop. It is worth giving it a go as I do not see any other point in undertaking a spiritual journey. Schedules are nothing but mirrors of controlling things, which, subsequently, constitutes a reflection of fear and insecurity. I am truly grateful to have managed to retreat completely.”

She spent the majority of her walk in silence. “People that undertake the Camino pilgrimage vary. Some of them are very fit, others completely unprepared. In the end it dawned on me that the main difference whose Camino journey proved a greater or minor challenge lay in the lesson they needed to learn. Toughest moments were experienced by people seeking to exhibit the greatest amount of control. Those who planned on a daily basis the amount of kilometres they would cover. Those who divided their journey into various stages and read heaps of guidebooks. It does, of course, make sense to sometimes refer to the Camino guidebook, especially in those parts of the journey which are covered by many people and you thus need to act fast enough in the evening to get accommodation. One time I also booked a room soon enough even though I followed the guideline to surrender to the journey completely which obviously does not mean that you should not exhibit pragmatism whenever needed. Call, book, and then surrender throughout your journey, knowing that a room awaits you in the evening.”

A new momentum

She did not wear herself out with exertion while walking. All boundaries that she had been previously positive she could not overcome were overcome easily several times. She also did not train a lot before the Camino even though she was convinced she should have. “Camino is an epitome of how immense spiritual power can enable you to overcome the belief of what you are actually capable of. You surrender to the game and dialogue between your body, spirit, thoughts, and emotions. An automatic process that regulates itself. When you do not do anything but merely allow yourself to be. We are all used to acting: we have to meditate, we have to train, we have to read a specific book to awaken a specific impulse within. But then we ended up trapped in the mindset that something needs to be done in order for us to reach the state of simply being. Quite the contrary holds true: simply being requires a calm mind, no action. Re-activation follows this state. Something I achieved for the first time during the Camino.”

A lot of youth sought her out during her journey; there were times when they addressed her only after following her for a while. They heard that the woman walking in silence bore messages. “The messages I had to convey were extremely powerful. When you walk in quietude, you feel vibrations emanated by people, sensing their stories without anyone uttering a word. Our everyday lives are filled with too much noise. But in solitude and in contact with precious nature you end up experiencing your authenticity, hearing yourself, realising who you actually are.”

Overcoming boundaries

She experienced several deep experiences during her journey. “The part during which you walk along the desert, Meseta, is brutal for all people living in their heads. Stricken with fright, many people preferred to take the bus and skip it altogether. The extreme heat strains your body.  And, even more interestingly, there are no stimulants that otherwise occupy the mind. There is nothing there, except for rocks.”

She admits that the emptiness proves a severe shock to the system. “We are no longer able to live without stimulants. Whereas I felt like a duck on water, able to acquiesce to the experience totally. I even experienced one of the most beautiful and deepest meditations of my life.”

Once she made the decision to consciously take up a greater burden than she felt she could handle. She wanted to experience her boundaries. She decided to help a disabled person on a wheelchair and the man's friend that was pushing him along the Camino. “I kept running into them and, at some point, knew I had to approach them. I was pushing the wheelchair like crazy and Patric the "pushing" friend was incredulously panting behind me, trying to convince me that there was definitely something wrong with me that I was able to walk with such speed. Surrendering to the energy, I did not trouble myself with anything.” She laughingly told me: “When I ended on the top of the hill, the wheelchair-bound man told me that we should wait for his friend.”

That very day she discovered how much she was actually capable of. She went all out physically, mentally and spiritually, and then woke up the following morning, refreshed, at 4.30 in the morning, joyously setting on her journey, even though it was raining cats and dogs. That is when she covered 40 kilometres, realising how our minds placed unnecessary limits on us. This is what she told me: “Carrying so much emotional pain, the Camino suited me down to the ground. Walking also strains your body and makes you sweat, which did a world of good as well. My pain was oozing out towards the surface and surrounding nature made me feel safe enough to be able to stay in touch with it all the time. Walking is a highly rhythmic endeavour, bringing into balance the body and calming down the psyche. Especially if you spend long hours doing it on a daily basis. I gained a lot of physical power during the Camino and my body changed to the extent that I am still sometimes amazed by my new appearance.” Initially, no text on Camino was in the works. She did not even take a camera with her unlike so many others to publish a travellog after their return from the journey. She did not communicate with her friends on Facebook, she merely send a message here and there to her husband, whom she nevertheless asked not to follow her in his thoughts and not to worry.

But when she returned, the desire to write arose again. Surprisingly, given that she had lost the will to write, overcome by grief after her father's death. She published her first blog entry and things went on from there. She knew she had to speak out about her experiences.

Her blog entries on sparklyreality.com are also currently being translated into English and German. Short video messages are also in the works. Even though she preferred to lead a solitary private life during recent years, she easily found a way to reach out to people.

She is positive that “spirituality is our true nature but we need to discern here, on Earth, what that means in practical terms. We need to practice authenticity: to see each other, to notice one another and to not simply pass another human being if they are in pain. You need to make the time to listen, to always strive to seek solutions, not conflicts. When you are in touch with yourself and nature, you need only little to lead your life. You become naturally inclined to socialise with kindred spirits, aware of the significance of creativity. There is no point in keeping the energy within, it is so much better to express yourself.” Seeing her role in writing, she also prepares group meetings and meditations, seeking to help people become aware of behavioural patterns that prevent them from surrendering and leading a full life.

She still has a list of things she wants to accomplish until she hits 40 in her head. She started to make her wishes come true this year. She wonders: “There are so many things we tend to say that will be done at some point in the future. But when my parents left this Earth, I began to wonder when that ‘point in the future’ would come for me. When would I stop saying that I do not feel like doing something or that there is something that I cannot do?”

List of passions

When she asked herself what her earthly passions were and what she would regret not trying once in her life, she thought of many things that she has been doing one after the other. This past summer, she learnt how to surf. Her “bucket list” also includes an English book that she wants to circulate all over the globe. She also wants to attend a free diving course in the depths of the Red Sea with her sister Alenka Artnik, whom most people will remember from her free diving records during recent years.

She is not worried about making money. She is convinced “that if you are in touch with your inner abundance, your financial situation will be taken care of as well. Material goods no longer constitute a compensation to lead a full life on this Earth but constitute merely a natural consequence of the abundance you feel within. It is of importance to re-learn the rhythm of giving and receiving, greatly empowered by this group dynamics. Individualism that so many people today mistake for freedom is baring its teeth. Let us reach out to others and give a helping hand like we used to. Then we will learn that happiness requires little money but heaps of love. How does that song go again? "Life is beautiful if you live it.”

ALJA TASI

www.aljatasi.com

Trust is all you have

After I had to say goodbye to my beloved father, with whom I had a most epic relationship; full of ups and downs but with an unearthly love charge and after my stomach tumor was sucessfully evicted from my body I was able to see that it was time for some serious changes.

And because all dynamics in the universe are ruled by »action is reaction«,  the beloved one provided.  Than on top after 12 years,  I lost my job as a jounalist.  After such a long time in my comfort zone, life tested the strength of my intention for change. And gave me practicly no chance to refuse, because in that place the pain was so unreal that I couldn't bare to stay. I simply had to move on, staying would have meant an end of me.

The reason for such egregious pain was realizing that after my dad passed away, my family was gone. My mother, my father, my brother even my two beloved cats; all gone. My dad tried fill the vacuum that was created after my mom left this world but then even he moved onto heaven. The hole that was left by the absence was inexpressible. I began to understand how much of my life I had created around them.

Thank God I still had a beautiful relationship with my husband. However, during the chaos of my illness and my father passing, he had to move to the Netherlands. Was this test? Seriously I thought, how much can I be asked to handle. The recession in Slovenia and his karma with his family made the move best for our family.  Im grateful for the capacity to see the big picture when I look at all these events coming together. I simply understood in my heart that it was time to experience love beyond attachments, pure flow that goes deeper then physical proximity, that does not get lost in relationships, projections, expectations, conditions. A kind of love that simply IS.

With my hubby gone, all illusion of stability vanished. I, the caregiver, the one who lived to give, was left alone in my dad's apartment to clean it up and prepare for a new life.

I needed to do something drastic to get out of the pain and escape victim role that was trying to catch me.  I had a strong feeling that I would love to process the pain somewhere where my body and mind could surrender to nature, in case the feelings came on too agressively. The Camino seemed the perfect place for this new beginning. It was time for some serious action and I wanted to create my new path, my own new self in a world unknown.  I wished to imprint in my subconscious that I CAN DO IT. I CAN MOVE ON AND CREATE A COMPLETE NEW LIFE.

I had more than 850 km of opportunity to try it out. And when the path became too cozy, my spirit created some harder circumstances to really get out of the patterns of comfort and the limited world I managed to create over the last several years.

Sounds familiar to anyone?

You know when you create a mini playground around you,  one that you can control and life passes by outside of this limited reality?

Well I was »lucky« enough that destiny decided to shake every inch of that illusion and catapulted me out of my controled world somewhere in the middle of the big world. Thank God I was not left naked but was »armed« with being present and very counsious of why this was happening and how important it was to stay out of the limitations of my mind. And how crucial it is to speak up in the world and share my experiance.  Though my path was pain, yours can be counsiousness, awareness,  and free will.

The idea that I would travel to the end of the world (the meaning of the last town on my Camino- Finisterre) to let my family go to the light was thrilling. I was pretty excited to sit on a rock and burn the Camino t-shirt with their names written on it and all the stuff I would love to get rid of. But on the other hand something inside of me, the more present part, said not to be focused on the end but to experience the purity of the Camino in every step. So that is what I did.  Not falling into the minds projection of the end but surrendering to live the moment fully.

From the present prospective the Way showed me aspects of the experience that cut true like the sharpest of razer blades.  It rid me of all the parts that did not serve me anymore. In observing other pilgrims, it became clear the Camino posessed some profound force directing the purification of everyone traveling along the Way. The only thing necessary was to LET GO. To surrender to it's power and stop attempting to control it. Oh how we desperately try to control?  Calculating the path, occupying our mind with where to sleep and where to eat, at what time is better to get to town to wash the clothes and accomplish our errands. It was unbelivable how much the vibration of this fear was getting in the way of many pilrams. Fear, fear, fear and on the other side, control. I decided to get over that collective drive and I cannot tell you how much courage and freedom came out of that escape. It was amaizing.

The idea that I could stop when I want, i could meditate where I want, I could eat or not...because I found the inner strenght to overcome my limited mind.  The mind that wanted to make me believe I needed to race to the next village.  

One night I came to a village at 1900  and went straight to the shop to find something to eat. My friends were happy to see me so I joined them for dinner and at 2100 still had no place to sleep. Everyone was wondering where I would sleep. But I really didn't care. »Maybe in front of a church« I responded,  being inspired by two pilgrims who did that few days ago being locked out of the hostel after partying too long (after 2200 the doors are lockedJ).

When it was time to leave my friends, I went in one hostel that seemed the most appealing and asked the owner if there was a place to sleep. He looked at me and said there was no place at this time. I politely thanked  him and began to continue my journey into the next village.« Wait, wait I belive I can place you somewhere, come with me« he waved to me and I followed. I believe you are starting allready to realize there was room. I had the whole floor to myself. »We open this just in august when a lot of tourists come. But I couldn't let you walk alone in the night« he smiled at me. I felt like a princess and I had a place to sleep with privacy, which is rare.  I was happy  that trusting and letting go had lead to such a beautiful outcome.

Not pushing but rather  trusting in your heart  that you will be in the right place at the right time to make you  an even more …authentic version of you.

 Epic LOVE....

 Long way to let go...

Surrender....

Love, Tjaši.

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Local legend of the Camino

 The Way gave me different opportunities to grow as a human being and as a spirit .  One such opportunity was definitely the »Midnight walk«, it was therapy to overcome my subconscious fears.

It all started in the middle of the night when I simply couldn't sleep. All my »comrads« were begining to roll in their beds so I assumed that it was nearly time to slowly start to get up. At first I sat in my bed in a lotus flower position and tried to meditate. My  inner voice started to whisper that it was time to get out and start walking. I opened my eyes and for a second wondered what time it was. I had no way to know as I had made a decision to walk the Camino without any time limit.

Being completely awake I decided to keep on going, grabbed my staff and tiptoed out of the room. Outside I met one USA teenager who was just coming back from a party or something, he was pretty drunk and  looking at me like Im mad.« Hey baby it is two o clock in the morning. Where are you going?« It was amusing he called me baby, I mean im like 40 and he was 18, I thought he must be really drunk so I thought no way is it so early. I believed he had no sense of time  and left the building. Then I met the owner of the hostel coming back home  and some more people in the streets that comforted me that it is for sure 05.00.   

At that time I had no clue the rhythms of Spanish and was so naively beliving that they had the same life style as other european countries. NO WAY.« Where are you going pilgrim? Do you need a place to stay?« she asked me. I answered that I was  just leaving and that I was on the way to Paplona:« Now? Are you loca? Seriously? There are woods in between!« I thanked her for the concern and left. Then I understood that the time must be really much earlier but decided to follow my spirit task.

The head lamp I used was giving me just enough light to see my steps and the temperatures were so much nicer that the warm day walking. I was deeply comforted by these feelings and enjoyed the start of my days walk.  

Then the scenario dramatically changed as I start walking next to a big factory that was working the night shift. I have to say it looked so spooky, the whole image of the clear sky and stars  juxtiposed around this enormous factry complex with fire coming out of the pipes. I had chills from the view. I stoped for 10 minutes and just observe the absurdity of what I was seeing. I felt pity for the workers who had to be there on such a beautiful night,  away from their families. I wished I could change that somehow. The brural extortion away from home, from family. Making us robots trapped into the slavery of capitalism. When the time is there, when you have to leave family you start realizing how without real sense this kind of automatic life. That is one of the strongest lessons the death of my family members brought to me. To appreciate life. To live it,  not just survive it. To be alive and not asleep.  In that moment,  there under clear sky, thinking of the working Spanish fathers I made a promise in my heart to do all it takes to contribute to the change. To spread the words of love, life and spiritual freedom. To devote myself fully to the power of awakening.

After this strong reflection,  I grabbed my backpack and hit the road. The first part was not unsettling, the woods were serene and I was very happy indeed.  The silence road made me float inside in the most spiritual places of my soul and I enjoyed surrending  my body fully to the moment of grace. It  managed to give me, once again, the feeling of deep peace and quite. All the noise and daily vibration vanished and I felt safe.

Then I stopped in a small village on the way , with maybe four houses . The first fear came up.« What if some man sees me here in the middle of the night walking in the woods and harms me? I needed to keep low profile and put my cap on so they cannot see Im a woman«. I was amazed when this thought came in my mind. I observed and realized the need to acknowledge I had this fear and get rid of it. I put it into the light and breathed  it true. While I was meditating on my thoughts I stopped in the middle of the village and sat down in what could be called the village center.  And then I started hearing on my back a million footsteps. Small, tiny, mini ones. Next I heard some creepy sounds like some creatures from space came to say hi to me. At that point my hair looked little like Billy Idol in the middle of the woods and I couldn't grasp what the f… was going on. Then I saw them. The monsters of the night and me, eye to eye. A group of 8 possesed cats! Were they trying to kill me? No, but I have to say they did scared the s… out of me. So I moved carefully out of their vision,  hoping that they did not have some weird Spanish ninja powers. I know, I know, it wasn't that courageous of me to run from lovely cats but Im telling you they were pretty bizzar.

Feeling confused I ran  into the woods wondering what might be the message from this experience.  I couldn't come up with a better explanation than »It is time to stop being such a pussy Tjaši«. Of course I start laughing for a second but stopped seeing that the wood was getting thicker and darker and the road smaller and smaller. My inner voice said to me: » It is time to concentrate now Tjaši. No looking around , fully focus on every step you make«. I thought ,  who wants to look around anyway, I mean are you kidding me?!  Have you ever observed nature in the night ouside of the fear prospective? Well let me tell you it can get pretty pictureque and alive. Of course when you let go and trust it's pretty magical and beautiful.  But this time that was definitely not my mindset.

Suddenly,  I heard some voice on my right and made the mistake of looking in that direction. Of course I wanted to have control over the situation by using my eyes instead of my intuition. Mistake. BIG one. The reflection of my light in the eyes of THE creature observing the crazy pelegrina was enough to take away my concentration and I got little scared. Well a lot, I admit.

At that moment the inner voice ordered me to stay focused on every step. Before i managed to get the message I was with my face down on the ground. UGH. What just happened? I got entangled in my shoelaces and fell straight on my face. I was trying to stop the falling with my left hand but the power of gravity and my heavy backpack were just to much. I was litelarlly crushed under it. Jesus. Such a pain.

I played professional volleyball so I know how to fall and even how to prevent it from hurting but this free fall on my chin was intense. » No time to panic Tjaši. I know you are bleeding but keep on going. Take that stone from the water in front of you and keep on going«. I did and pulled myself together. I pictured my aura getting completely to myself and felt very centered. In the mean time,  the river on my right started to become bigger and louder  which I believe was the hardest challenge of the whole night walk. The sound took away all of my focus and the shock I had from falling made me loose full control. But I knew I simply could not loose it out there. Not with the blood all over my face and arms, nobody knowing where I was and I presume even no gsm signal? I couldn't feel my left arm so I decided to continue till the next village then stop there to wait for the sun to come up. I came to one tiny place with three houses and stopped in a garden of one house. I positioned myself in my meditation pose and released all that had to come out. I cried and cried and I cannot possibly imagine what the inhabitants of the house thought.

The sun rise was one of the most beautiful ones I had experiances and i realized the desire I have to keep on living my life presently despite the pain I was carring in my heart. My spirit spoke to me:« Did you recognize the importance of being fully present on your way? And the importance of focus? Not to spread your essence all over but to keep it compact? Did you realize the importance of being in the moment because looking into the uncertain future can be unecessarily scary? Did you observe your mind when that lovely bambi came to visit you? (those shining eyes were from a bambi?...seriously?) Did you see how quickly  your mind reacts and gives you an irrational explanation? Did you see the difference between the reactive mind and the receptive spirit? And do you feel the power of being present when the river, as a symbol of your subconsious, was envoking in you all that discomfort and fear? How does it make you feel having the blessing of being present in your subconscious river of feelings and thoughts?«

It made me feel stronger, more fluent and brave. It gave a feeling of facing some parts that in daily life I would never gave time and consciousness to. It reinforced the faith in my spirit and inner power beyond the limited mind that always overreacts. And it made me believe, again and again, in the infitinite potential of the power called the human awareness. When I accepted the wisdom I put all this »drama«  behind me.  My face was better in two days and I could do push – ups in two day as well. I simply did not want to believe I was hurt. And my body listened.

 And why local legend? Through the whole Camino I  kept hearing the story of a crazy woman walking in the night who felt in the river and broke her face.  And about some german pilgrims getting her out of there. Ah the mind set of a »drama queen«…actually can be really funny.

Love, Tjaši

Are we gonna make it? Jesaaaaa

 Auč.....

 Pamplona at 800 in the morning:-)....i belive i was one of the earliest pilgrim ever:-)

 Georgeous sunrises that in normal life we skip way to often....

Love, Tjaši.

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